chickenblogSomething like two and a half years ago, I wrote a blog post called ‘How To Have Sex With A Trans Man’. When I started my blog, it was intended for family and friends – a way to get around having to tell my story and answer questions several times. The vast majority of what I write is about my own ‘stuff’ – how transition has affected me, and how random vaguely transition-related issues have impacted on me. Occasionally, when the spirit moves me, I write something different, and given the number of bonkers ideas people have about sex with someone like me, ‘How To Have Sex…’ popped into existence.

Ironically, given the content of this one post of mine that is currently ‘doing the rounds’, I am sitting typing this in my single bed, accompanied only by an ancient cat. If there are any typing errors in this post, it’s the cat’s fault. Honest.

Ever since ‘How To Have Sex With A Trans Man’ was published, it has been by far and away my most popular post. This is explained pretty easily by how many people ‘Out There’ put things like “How do trans men have sex?” into your friendly neighbourhood search engine. Or “FTM sex”. Or “Can ftms have sex?” You get the picture.

As time has gone by, my posts to ftmark have gone from weekly to fortnightly, to monthly, to whenever I feel like it. Despite the lack of new content, I was having around 100 post views a day. Most of which, wouldn’t you know it, for that one post. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a bit disappointed – of all the posts I’d put together over time, some great, others mediocre, all the attention is on the one about sex. But hey, mustn’t grumble – maybe I was helping a few people understand that YES, trans* identified people can have sex, and that it’s not rocket science.

But it seems that inadvertently, I had spawned a monster. WordPress very nicely lets me know when things are happening on my blog, but when my ‘phone bingled at me a couple of days ago, I was really shocked to see that the blog had suddenly amassed 3000 views THAT DAY. It got worse (or better, I suppose, depending on your world view). Through the limited information available, it was clear that Facebook and Tumblr were generating thousands of views.

That terrifies me.

Remember that this blog’s intended audience from the start was friends and family. I worry a lot about what people I KNOW will think of my opinions, let alone thousands of strangers. And whilst I have had some amazing positive feedback after nearly 18,000 views in three days, there has inevitably been criticism, too. I’m a sensitive little flower, and when you’ve not deliberately gone out on a limb, that criticism from strangers can be a shock to the system.

I’ll be honest and admit that I’ve been scared of what to do next – whether I should just carry on and write the post I was planning (getting a passport in the UK), or try to acknowledge the increase in traffic by choosing a really ‘good’ topic. I’m very self-conscious now about writing, in case I offend someone, somewhere ‘out there’. It was so much easier when I only had to worry about offending my Mum. But you know what? Once all this dies down, and I’m back to my 98 views a day for the post with sex in the title, and 2 for whatever else I’ve written, my stress levels might be lower. Service will hopefully resume at some point soon, and you can all read about How I Got My Passport….

The cat says hi.