I was in the pub last night with a friend – a gay bar, no less. It was quiet, but there were enough people in to people-watch which, for me, is one of the best bits of going out.

So here’s the thing – even though I have a very lovely partner at home, I still like to think that I “still have it” in sufficient quantities to be eyeballed when I go out. Go on, admit it – we all like to get a bit of attention.

As previously mentioned, I’m not attracted to people because of their gender, or to be more accurate, I don’t rule people in or out of being attractive because of their gender identity. I guess that’s why I get a bit peeved if people pass me over because of what they perceive MY gender to be (or lack of it).

Now of course I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, and I can take being dismissed as unattractive because of physical traits, people thinking I’m boring, etc. etc. You know the sort of stuff that puts you off someone. But what I do find depressing is receiving the kind of look that might be translated as “what IS that person??” and people not bothering to stick around long enough to find out.

It’s ironic, really, if you consider that I see my own gender and sexuality as very fluid, that I really don’t like being physically ‘unidentifiable’. I know some people enjoy that state of physical flux, but I would rather be seen as male, and yes, seen as an attractive male.

Ok, there’s only so much I can do to change what Mother Nature gave me, and the changes testosterone is making are ongoing, but my transformation into that gorgeous hunk of burning love that I just know is right there and ready to meet the world are very, very slow.

I’ll put my hands up, I’m impatient, but I’m really looking forward to turning heads for the right reasons on a future trip to the local gay bar.

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